Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
