She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
