Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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