Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
