Who did Billy Mays play for?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize