dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
