She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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