I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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