well I can't set my house on fire every night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
