Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
