Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
