guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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