If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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