What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize