His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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