i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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