I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
