How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
