I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
