Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
