Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
