Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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