I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
