Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize