That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
