She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
