She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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