i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
