we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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