every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
