Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
