He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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