Don't you send me to vm
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
