You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
