You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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