Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
whose ass print is on the piano?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
