Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
be right there i have to get my cape
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
