doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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