So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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