I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
