she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize