I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
