he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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