I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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