Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
