all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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