just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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