I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
