i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
