I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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