he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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