where does the pee come out of this thing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
