smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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