i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
