Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
