I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
