Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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