I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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