dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
