Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
