this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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