all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
