Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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