Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
