Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
