The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
