i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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