is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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