I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
